Monday, February 4, 2013
"THE DRY SPELL"
Q: Dear Handsome Hector,
My name is Martin, I'm 29 years old and I've been having a severe dry spell with women and have been very unsuccessful at dating for quite a while now. I just can't seem to meet the right woman. I feel like I've been cursed some how. I don't know what else to do. I've quit drinking, smoking, started working out, biking and boxing. Lost a good amount of weight. Yet I'm still nervous to approach a woman I feel attracted too. How can I overcome this problem?
A: Hello Martin: It seems to me you've got it all backwards. If you want the females you’re gonna have to go back to being the original loser that you were. I would begin by reinstating your loser habits. For starters, get back up on the smoking because women love a bad boy. This should turn your attractiveness up a notch or two. If you can afford an obnoxious, perfectly useless, but loud motorcycle that should be your next step. Then, work on practicing the ole reliable art of manipulation to obtain your next date. When you finally manage to slither your way into a date with an unsuspecting female, make sure you treat her like crap. That's what I do to all of my bitches and they love it. I give the usual disrespectful smell of the anus, stare at the rump and the occasional marking of the ankle and I can't keep them off of me! I would also suggest that you reincorporate all of the other “unhealthy” things you say you have eliminated so start cursing again, drinking and lazying around. If you really want the females crawling all over you, grow yourself an "I'm too cool to work" goatee, throw in a tattoo or three and you should attract some, if not all, of the hottest females around. Works every time my friend.
As far as your nervousness goes..keep in mind that this is a natural reaction and everyone feels the same as you when trying to ask someone they like out. Try to remember that your the MAN and the female is as much or more nervous than you are. If that doesn't work for you than try to visualize her pooping curb-side. That should relieve some of your tensions.
P.S.: Forget about losing weight. Gorge on that pizza my friend. Go for females plumper than you. I find a woman in heat usually carries more weight. So find yourself a fatty so that you always look and feel thinner than her. Problem solved.
Posted by Handsome Hector at 10:20 PM