Sunday, February 20, 2011

Luxury and Gluttony

     Despite the fact that Handsome Hector resembles a remnant from the Jurassic period, most of us would give our right arm to experience even the smallest taste of his lavish life style. Today the fat bastard took a long, hot bubble bath, was bundled up in his yellow ducky towel, rewarded with a treat and then sat in anticipation for the grand finale......his almond oil body massage. Yup, Hector's a balding bastard so luckily for him his skin requires regular moisturizing treatments. During his wait, as I prep the oils and candles, he has the nerve to spread all fours and ready himself in full expectation of this pleasurable rub down. Of all the massage treatments Hector has experienced, this one is his all time favorite.  Olive oils, sesame oils and various aromatherapy oils have been applied to Hector's bloated body but he insists that none make him feel as smooth and supple as the sweet almond oil. Does the bloated seal ever concern himself with where these special oils come from? No. Does he inquire as to who pays for them? No. The goods and the slave labor simply "show up". But that's why I love Handsome Hector; he teaches me a great deal on the art of appreciating the "self". Some say he's bordering on egocentricity, but I say he's bordering on becoming a fuller, more whole bodied Hecki.

"Copyright 2008" Ghada Marta

Luxury and Gluttony: Part Deux

       Before I proceed to reveal Handsome Hector's culinary tastes, a full disclosure regarding his food behavior should be noted. Hector is a complex creature who has some behavioral issues around food. He has been diagnosed with pathological food obsession and, like any heroin addict, one must never get between him and his barbecued ribs or there will be hell to pay.
     Hector's daily cuisine puts his spa treatments to shame. On a typical day he has an average of two slaves cooking over the stove for him. One chef is responsible for the whole grains, legumes and vegetables, the other for meat and deserts. Beef stew, lamb shanks, sushi and forbidden wild rice are standard Hecki requests. His menu is infinite!  Making sure that I purchase the "right" foods, he insists on sitting in the shopping cart for a collaborative shopping endeavor. Hector is on a first name basis with most of the Whole Foods employees and has greatly contributed to the healthy price of their corporate stock. And yes, just in case you were wondering, his one bulbous eye-ball and draping tongue are out and ready for the taking each time we pass those free meat samplers at the hot deli case. A successful day for Handsome Hector is any day when begging, stealing, hoarding and manipulating for food works to his "flavor". Other than offering daily comic relief to the general population, gluttony seems to be his life purpose and true calling. Because of his abnormal food addiction, Hector has been known to mistake sheet rock for cake on many occasions. Even his stroller plates (yes, the flying bat commutes via pet stroller) read GLUTTONY. He simply can't be bothered with absurd concepts like portion control and body movement. If Hecki had it his way, institutions like Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig would be outlawed. And the only movement he's interested in is his daily bowl movements. 
Yes! I'd trade my looks in for his any day. Wouldn't you?

"Copyright 2008" Ghada Marta