Thursday, January 31, 2013

Not Into That Pesky Little Prop 37 Are Ya?

     I can only imagine that you humans voted against Prop 37 because you’re dying to look like me? Well of course you are; look at me. As part Pig, part Dog with a little Romano Tomato dabbled in for scientific fun, I’m a genuine “Pigdogtatoe”! That’s right: you are witnessing a fine, one-of-a-kind, GMO visual feast! I’m a GMO Grand Special really. And you too, along with your next ten descendants,can achieve a handsomeness likened to mine. Oh yes, with GMOs you can look forward to the same unpredictable results my own mother did. And looking like a lab experiment isn't as easy as it looks you know. First off one must have absolutely zero care or concern for the environment (Oh that Mother Nature is such a nuisance!), secondly billions of dollars must be pooped away on “research” which could be spent on growing real food so that I wouldn’t have to be drooling over this article in the first place. Lastly, billions more must be peed on to make certain the food industry and its overly zealous scientific freaks are not being regulated as weird science is taking place behind closed doors creating Pigdogtatoes like me!

     Now, aside from all the logistics, it also takes a great deal of design and ingenuity to create something as unique and beautiful as me. Hair loss, missing eyes and teeth, a tongue 4 inches too long and random,cancerous warts sprinkled about all take a great deal of ingenious design. And don’t forget about my ravishing interior as well. Indeed, I am filled with tumors, ulcers, unidentifiable floating particles and the list of beauty features is infinite. I know, I know, you didn’t think GMOs could produce such handsomeness. I get it all the time. And according to Wall Street you can have this look for a lot less than you would pay for real food! WOW! That means you can look like me for next to nothing! And we do like our savings don’t we America? Now, you may have to pay ten-fold in future medical costs for your pumpkin-headed children but, hey!, look at what you saved in groceries! You also get the gift of checking out early, and I’m not referring to the grocery line here folks.

      So, come on, go ahead, take the chance, don’t let common sense and wisdom get the best of you! Keep voting against real food.

 P.s.: If K-9s and children both sniff their food for safety and flavor prior to eating it, wouldn’t be wise for the rest of us to do same?

Here's to your health,

Handsome Hector

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